I recently saw an Instagram post from some fellow Bridal Society babes (@foreverblushingevents) about Enneagram personality types and weddings. The post (click here to view) was specifically about type 2, and I didn’t know it yet, but after reading the post I can ASSURE you I knew exactly what type I was. The post was as follows: “I’ve always hated chocolate cake, but I know most people like it, so my entire wedding cake is chocolate-flavored with chocolate icing because I don’t want anyone to be unhappy”.
Now, most people would read that and think “well, that’s silly”. But my type 2’s (you know who you are), are just like me and think “well, chocolate isn’t that bad, it’s only one day”! (Some of you are probably nodding your heads right now – if so, keep reading, and let’s chat. We need an intervention).
Though I am not married yet, I know myself well enough to know that when planning my wedding, keeping my vision in my thoughts will be a top priority because I can be so easily swayed by pleasing others and making sure others are happy. I have to do this every day in my business by holding my ground and remembering my goals and priorities. Sometimes it’s hard to put yourself first!
The good news is that I’m actually really good at keeping YOUR vision in mind and making sure you have the best day possible, because after all, I’m a people pleaser and when hired, your wedding day BFF, protector and sidekick, making sure everything is as perfect as it can be and putting out the fires that threaten that goal. I remember before I knew I wanted to plan weddings being maid of honor in my cousin’s wedding and making sure everything we had planned went smoothly day of. Little did I know that wedding day superhero was in fact a job, so here I am, ready for action. 🙂
Despite having a Certified Wedding Planner by your side, there are some challenges you may face that people pleasing may become a real hazard when planning a wedding, and you may need to be able to stand up to a family member, vendor, or even friend. As a fellow type 2, or just a people pleaser in general, I wanted to outline some tips and tricks for speaking up for yourself when it counts! That way when you look back on your wedding day, you remember the delicious vanilla cake you had, instead of remembering how everyone but you enjoyed dessert.
- REMEMBER YOUR VISION
As mentioned above, I am consistently reminding myself what my goals and visions are for my business so that I succeed to the fullest and keep distractions at bay. The same goes for your wedding. Keeping your design in mind is extremely helpful and important as you and your fiancé are the only ones getting married on your wedding day. By writing your vision out or even making a Pinterest board to pull up at various vendor meetings, this ensures you have a visual reminder of what your day should look like and helps to remind you as well as other family and friends who may veer off track when presented with various floral or rental options in the moment. When choosing flowers and your mother in law (though we love you all) mentions how beautiful those roses are, a gentle reminder that your Pinterest board has lilies goes a long way.
- Practice assertiveness
Research shows that working on your posture and walking with your head held high, shoulders back will help you appear and feel more confident. By practicing this at home, work and while interacting with others, you can begin to feel more in control of your decisions. Channel this same confidence when dealing with vendors while planning your wedding. This simple tip can potentially make it easier to say “no” when needed, or to challenge an idea that you do not agree with. Practice being decisive at home, and eventually the habit will fall into place. There are many times we can put this into action in our daily lives. Wrong order at Starbucks? Let them know! Remaining confident and polite will go a long way in disputing those little errors you need revitalized for your vision to remain in tact.
- Let the bullies lie
Hopefully you are relying on your wedding planner to provide their preferred vendor list for you, but at times you may find yourself battling a contract or vendor that is less than polite. There will always be people whose personalities just don’t mesh with yours. Whether they are having a bad day, a bad month, or just a bad whatever, sometimes it’s best to remain calm and assertive. This being said, you are not a doormat. Take the high road, but stand your ground (and call your wedding planner superhero if things get too rough)!
- Be deliberate and stand up for your time
Time is one of the only true things we can never get more of. Often times I find myself putting myself aside to help a family member, friend, or stranger – so you’re not alone! Though it makes me feel good to help others, I have learned that self-care is not selfish and you need to make time for yourself as well! Wedding planning takes a lot of time, and if declining a friend’s request to help them move when you are 4 months out from your wedding is what you need to do, you have to respect yourself and your time enough to do so. By learning to say no to obligations and demands – or even requests – of others, you can honor yourself and enjoy the time you do have with your inner circle when your schedule allows.
- Remain transparent and authentic…but fake it ‘til you make it.
This might seem like an oxymoron, but sometimes you have to just stand tall and work it out. Learning to stand up for yourself won’t happen overnight. By being authentic and honest about what you want and then reminding yourself of this when in conflict, you can learn to also speak up when you need to. In the meantime, just imagine that you are fighting for someone else’s wedding day, and helping them to make it perfect. What would you say? How would you handle that situation? If you are anything like me, this is a simple trick that will make your experience that much easier…because it’s what I actually do! By visualizing the person I need to protect as a friend rather than myself, it is that much easier to turn down engagements, say no, and stand up for my time to protect my vision…and yours.
For your own wedding day superhero and to learn more about how I can make your dream a reality, contact me today so we can talk all the details!